The computer says you're guilty so you're free to go

from here

Imagine being that bad at your job and still having a job. I cannot fathom why the Detroit Police Department still uses software that's that bad. I understand returning a weighted list of possible matches, but the closest match should be the right person most of the time, not merely 4% of the time.

Bad Passwords face mask

Product Page

Product Page

Lorrie Cranor's work on Bad Passwords has been featured here once before, and the Bad Passwords fabric was a brilliant idea. Now, of course, we're in a global pandemic and everyone needs a mask, so face masks (and gaiters - whatever the heck those are) made with the fabric can now be purchased. Thanks to Lorrie Cranor for sharing these on twitter (even if I did have to reconstruct the URLs)

While you're checking out those masks, take a look at the fine print - you buy one and they donate one, so you'll be helping someone else get a mask as well.

I think I'd prefer a Nigerian prince

from here

If you had to choose between dealing with royalty or some pedophile's lackey, which would you choose?

Now we'll never know who's a good dog

found on Funny Junk

Actually we will know. The good dog is mild mannered Bark Kent, reporter with The Daily Beagle.

It's the debate that never ends...

from here and here

... 'Cause it goes on and on my friends.

Backdoor legislation is back again. It's going to be disastrous and harm us all but they don't care and won't listen. They seem to think now, while the country is gripped in the throes of anti-police-brutality protests, is the right time to give law enforcement extra help at all of our expense. I wonder how that will work out for them when they're up for re-election.

One badge to rule them all

found on Piximus

As if they were only interested in your pockets. A TSA screener in an airport seems to have (or at least seems to think they have) all the authority in the world to do and check whatever they like, and they definitely will not stop at just your pockets.

When all you have is a gun, everything looks like a threat

from here

One of the underlying concepts of the Defund The Police movement is that men (and women) with guns are frequently the wrong tool for the job. This job would have been better handled by a cowboy than by a cop.

Easier said than done

found on Reddit

I don't know about you but my suspension of disbelief is going to need some reinforcement here. It seems like someone is always watching.

So much for "Do It Yourself"

from here

Kinda have to appreciate the irony of a bomber, upset that no one else would touch him, making it so that he can't touch himself either. I see a great deal of frustration in his future.

Phishing Security Awareness Poster

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I suppose this would be a little too wordy for a t-shirt, but as an office poster it works quite well, and the designer has an entire range of merchandise like this.

Do leave home without it

from here and here (image source)

I very much doubt it will matter what colour your skin is when it comes to this phone case - if the police see a phone disguised as a gun while they're amped up looking for a fight then you're probably going to get shot.

[Slaps roof of trailer] This bad boy can fit so many stolen bank accounts

found on Izismile

A mobile ATM in the middle of nowhere is beyond sketchy. Who operates it? How do you know if you can trust them? Even if it gives out money that doesn't mean it isn't also storing your banking credentials for later misuse.

The thought also occurs: what legitimate operator would take the risk of leaving an ATM full of cash, on wheels (so it can be easily driven away), and unattended? There's just too much wrong with this picture.

Sentenced to sentences

from here

Who knew you could be sentenced to writing an essay for shooting an unarmed man? Kinda makes you wonder what we were all being punished for back in high-school.

It's called public transportation, not private transportation

found on Funoramic

It's amazing to me that people will treat public spaces like they're in private. Not just in terms of what they'll look at (as above) but what they'll say on the phone too. Listening to people give out their banking credentials over the phone on the bus at top volume (because the bus is so noisy) is enough to make one lose faith in humanity.

I've got the same combination on my luggage

from here (image source)

It's bad enough that the lock was allowed to get into this sorry worn out state, but that passcode is like something out of Spaceballs.

Don't worry about Zs, he's catching them all

Watch on YouTube

If you need a someone who fits in the chair and doesn't snore on duty, this is your guy.

I fart in your general direction

from here and here (source article)

What is the sound of one cheek flapping?

But seriously, it strikes me as grossly unfair that the police can gas you with a chemical weapon while you can't even pass wind at them.

(Thanks to Stewart MacLund for bringing that story to my attention)

Don't be a butt-brain

found on Piximus

I suppose you really don't want either to happen, but usually deterrent signs try to stay on a single topic.

When your threat model isn't to scale

from here

You might also ask why there are school police, but I suppose in a country where school shootings are common-place, there might be a compelling argument in favour of a dedicated police presence.

But event that threat model, as scary as it is, doesn't call for armoured vehicles and grenade launchers.

Online Privacy phone case

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You don't always need words to get a point across. This design has no words and yet is still creepy AF, all while being quite beautifully rendered.

The Confickeracy is part of our online heritage

from here and here (image source)

Now I'll be the first to admit that Conficker sort of stands out amongst most other viral malware, but the fact is I can name other malware that outlasted the Confederacy too. Individual pieces of malware have had a longer and wider ranging impact than a group of racist failures from centuries ago.

Seems as legit as a Nigerian Prince

found on Meme Base

Time and time again people trust a sign or label or message without even a modicum of skepticism, and they wind up all wet (or worse) as a result.

Don't flush your money or yourself down the drain.

You can't censor what you can't see

from here

So Zoom doing the Chinese government's bidding is apparently a thing, and it makes me wonder if the flaws in their previous attempts at encryption were mistakes or perhaps something else. It also makes me wonder if their motivation for only giving their future end to end encryption to paying customers might be something other than the fight against child porn  ("Think of the children" is just a little too convenient).

A nap attack isn't the kind of attack we had in mind

found on I Can Has Cheezburger Animials

It looks to me like the most dangerous thing this cat could do to you is yawn. Why is that dangerous, you ask? Yawns are contagious.

Left the screens above ground so he could monitor them

from here (image source)

Of course actual computer worms don't come from the ground, but worms in the ground could probably squirm into a computer and that probably wouldn't be good for the computer - but more in the way that cleaning a computer in the bath tub isn't good for that computer.

OPSEC - The Most Secure Man in the World

Watch on YouTube

Some of these sound suspiciously like the OpSec version of Chuck Norris Facts, but OpSec itself (like Chuck Norris himself) is real.

A first class ticket to The Bad Place

from here

This account of gassing clergy is frightening. It turns any notion of safety on it's head because no one is safe. Existing threat models are obsolete. No one is off-limits, there are no rules or norms anymore and virtually no one is prepared for that.

When you graduate from "Educational Purposes"

found on Meme Base

If you have to specify that you're doing something for "educational purposes" or it's older brother "research purposes", then chances are you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. The amount of educational malware, or research that violates rules and norms is surprisingly high. Almost as if it's simply a smokescreen meant to help a perpetrator get away with their transgressions.

Someone needs to be asking themselves "Are we the baddies?"

from here and here

So IBM has made the very reasonable decision to bow out of face recognition entirely and cite the harms that the technology can do to society against the backdrop of the police brutality protests. It's a great development for society when a corporation makes this realization and I can only hope more come to the same conclusion but I know that some are just going to chase the money no matter the cost, so society as a whole needs to re-evaluate if and how this technology should be used.

I Rather Have Spam On My Plate Than In My Mail hat

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I certainly can't argue with that sentiment, can you? If everyone feels the same way about spam, how can it continue to be profitable?

Even worse if it kept happening

from here and here

Police are having a hard time with their tip lines, scanners, and hashtags lately, and somewhere the worlds tiniest violin is playing just for them.

Trojan horse switch

found on Acid Cow

Trojan horse programs are sometimes no more sophisticated than this. Just slap a misleading label on something and sit back and let the users do the rest.

Of course, in this case the label isn't entirely misleading. It will stop work, at least temporarily.

Stay subversive my friends

from here

It seems to me that if you're going to be treated like a criminal, you might as well learn how to act the part, and that includes using burner phones.

Skill Tree: How To Escape From Handcuffs, Zip Ties, and Duct Tape!

Watch on YouTube

This is good info but it comes with an equally good caveat - don't try this with cops (as much as you might want to right now). If you're dealing with kidnappers there's probably only a handful of them, but with police you could be looking at an army of officers.

When helping the police is more important than protecting you

from here and here (logo source)

Zoom sure picked an interesting time to side with the police instead of their users - just as the country is rocked by a rapidly escalating barrage of abuses of power by those same police.

Dating in a pandemic

found on Meme Base

If ever there was a time when extra protection was called for, a pandemic would be it.

How do you do, fellow cats?

from here and here (image source)

As much as this dog may want to get closer to cats (all the better to chase them), this disguise is just not good enough to blend in

Neither covert nor clandestine

found on Bad Chix

If they'd wanted to be covert about going to the game behind their wives backs, they should have cut eye holes in those signs so they could use them to cover their faces while watching the game.

If they'd wanted to be clandestine about it, they shouldn't have brought those attention grabbing signs at all. Those signs are the only reason the cameras are pointed at them.

There must be less disfiguring ways to foil surveillance

from here and here

I'm a bit taken with the idea of burner phones, perhaps because I can't really get them here. Prepaid phones are way too expensive to "burn" (use for a short time and then throw away as a means of protecting yourself from surveillance) in Canada.

Of course, with the Samsung approach to burner phones, I suppose you probably get your money back and potentially a new face while you're at it.

URME anti-surveillance prosthetic

Product Page

Subverting face recognition surveillance by giving everyone the same face is an interesting idea, and you should definitely check it out. If you don't have the funds for one of these prostheses they also have paper-craft versions that much more budget-friendly. In fact, the person behind has made a point to provide these things at cost.

Your chariot awaits

from here and here (image source)

Today I learned that these are actually legal in Texas. They're called swangas, and as long as they don't poke out so far that the total width of the vehicle exceeds a specific limit they're perfectly legal. Just try not to julienne people's legs with your blender-mobile.

Security questions - the darker the better

found on Memebase

On the one hand, security questions are generally not very good because the information they're asking for is actually public info that anyone could easily guess or look up in order to gain access to your account through the forgotten password mechanism. On the other hand, some of these topics are so uncomfortable the argument could be made that the answers actually aren't well known.

Maybe the best security questions would be the ones that probe our insecurities, because those are the things we're least likely to share.