Three legs and spam

I would not like a giant dong
I would not like it all day long

I would not like your sketchy pill
I would not like to be made ill

I would not like to slow-rub in
Your creams and lotions from a tin

I would not like to impress men
If my towel falls again

I would not like to stop divorce
By being hung like a stud horse

I would not like to drown my date
In juices meant to impregnate

I would not like to make her gasp
Or have my thing exceed her grasp

I do not like enlargement spam
I do not like it Scam I Am

"Green Eggs & Ham" meets enlargement spam. I'm sure I'm not the only person who was heavily influenced by Dr. Suess as a kid.