new old meme: the joke

ah, the venerable joke. a funny story told and retold, passed on from one person to another. a classic meme if ever there was one.

this satirical story about a traveler having a 'happy ending' during an enhanced pat-down inspired me to come up with an actual honest to goodness joke. i honestly don't come up with my own jokes very often, but when inspiration strikes you gotta play the cards you're dealt.

virgin airways

a young man goes to the airport in order to catch a flight, but because of privacy and health concerns he elects to 'opt out' of the full body imaging machine. when the TSA agent takes him aside for alternative screening he says to the agent

young man: "so did you hear about that guy who ejaculated during an 'enhanced' pat down?"

TSA agent: "excuse me?"

young man: "yeah, apparently the agent wasn't familiar with what piercings would feel like and wound up spending a little too much time 'down there'."

TSA agent: "i see. so, uhh... do you have any piercings i should know about?"

young man: "no, but i am a virgin, and i'd like to still be one when i finally get through security."

(inspiration)

if you keep your fire extinguisher locked up...

if you keep your fire extinguisher locked up so securely that it's safer than you are then you might be a security idiot

(inspiration)

if public transit...

if public transit seems like as good a place as any to read out private financial information over the phone then you might be a security idiot

who's giving you your security advice?

from dilbert.com

really, at least once you should ask yourself where the security advice you listen to is coming from. there may be ulterior motives, or there may even be a complete and utter lack of credibility. just as the unexamined life is not worth living, so too is the unexamined security advice not worth following.

facebook password trick

from i am bored with thanks to FSLabsAdvisor for pointing it out.

don't fall for this one, kids.

we need those YMCA guys to spell out 'virus'

hat tip to mikko hypponen for this one

you don't want a V-I, R, U-S...

no security is perfect

from i has a hotdog (with a hat tip to the security curve blog)

nothing's perfect, except maybe the expression on that dog's face.

how can i fail thee, let me count the ways

Security Guard FAIL - watch more funny videos

from failblog

how many things can you find wrong in this video? obviously the security guard isn't familiar with how the gate limits traffic to only one direction. that's definitely something he needs to have a better grasp of. he could also stand to have a better grasp on his gun - really not the sort of thing you want to leave laying on the ground. can you find anything else? leave a comment and let me know.

CCTV and there's still nothing on

from very demotivational

it goes without saying, that camera isn't going to catch anything. someone at some point wasn't thinking clearly and rendered what could have been a useful security feature absolutely useless.

would you like an error log with your transaction receipt

from john graham-cumming

and yes, that is a windows error on an italian ATM. now you can marvel, as i did, at john's bravery for using such a device.

dictionary attack in middle earth

great explanation of a dictionary attack on a password system from the abstruse goose. hat tip to mikko hypponen for finding it